From Tommy

July 3 at 1:33am
Dear Brian,

I don't mean to sound impersonal but this letter is more formal than I would usually send any friend on facebook. But for a strange reason I feel the need to write this way. About fifteen minutes ago, I had a conversation with you on the phone basically about maintaining our sanity in this capricious and unforgiving quarter life. You were about to "paint a picture" for me and it was around that time when the call was lost and many attempts to reach you were failed. It was quite frustrating. When I realized that there was no chance of being able to call you back, I became overwhelmed with guilt because one of your first questions to me was "Where can I find this said satisfaction?" And I guess God is the best answer of course but recently that's been a vague and dead answer. So I said "I don't know." The guilt I feel is partly because of the whole God thing. But it is mostly because when I decided to write you a letter, I chose to use Salinger instead of the Bible as a form of comfort.

But this is my justification: Whenever anyone uses the Bible as a form of comfort, it tends to be more direct, lacking in relatable examples especially in our situation. Though one can argue that our situation may simply need an attitude adjustment, it is much more complex than that. And I don't want to go into details seeming that you already know. I remember talking to Matt Kummer when he was having a mental breakdown over the phone. I told him that he needed to change his attitude and he immediately responded "HOW DO I DO THAT!?" It was a bit cold of me to say that to him because after that, I stopped having answers. And it wasn't about having answers; it was about me saying to him "I know, I get it, and you don't have to explain." Sometimes people need that intuitive person. With you, Brian, I feel that I'm partly intuitive with you and that is only because I know you're story. But beyond that, every time we have these conversations, I sincerely wish I could dive into your brain. Of course, that is not possible. So I do my best by listening carefully, putting pieces together, and speak with the best choice of words I could come up with. Sometimes I'm good at it and other times I fail miserably. And when that happens, it usually goes unsaid. That's how we prefer it. Now, this is not to say that the Bible has nothing to say about our situation. I'm sure that there's a proverb hiding somewhere just itching to pierce our heart. But this is what you remind me of:

"'Look,' I said. 'I don't feel very much like myself tonight. I've had a rough night. Honest to God. I'll pay you and all, but do you mind very much if we don't do it? Do you mind very much?' The trouble was, I just didn't want to do it. I felt more depressed than sexy, if you want to know the truth. She was depressing. Her green dress hanging in the closet and all. And besides, I don't think I could ever do it with somebody that sits in a stupid movie all day long. I really don't think I could."

In conclusion, I know how you will take this. I only hope for your sake that it was the right thing to say. And to answer THE question, I could tell you that you need to change your attitude. But I won't. Rather, I will say I know, I get it, and you don't have to explain.

Sincerely,

Tommy